i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
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Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
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red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
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