dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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