i need an iv and a liver transplant
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
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