I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Randomize
