so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Randomize
