my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
