I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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