Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Randomize
