Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
