K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
