i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize