I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
