Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize