Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Randomize
