I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
