Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
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