I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Randomize
