She went from zero to smokin in five shots
someone owes me an orgasm
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
