im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
