Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Randomize
