and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
