I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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