ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Randomize
