butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
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