i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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