He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
