Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Randomize
