Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize