I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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