So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
