Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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