I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
