I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
We left the knife in your bed.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
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