where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
