Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
