Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
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