mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
