Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
