I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Randomize
