We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Randomize
