i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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