Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
