Your tits are I can't wait for
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
