yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
