sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Randomize
