My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
In other news, I just burned my penis
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
