I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
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