She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
