Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
