if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Randomize
