Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Randomize
