we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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