I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
