How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
