I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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