Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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