She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Randomize
