so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
