I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Randomize