Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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