I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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