Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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