this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
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