I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
