I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
