wakey wakey hands off snakey
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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