Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
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