hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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